


Sarah's Choice

by flitterflutterfly



Series: Please God, Let Me Live [3]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - BDSM, Gen, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-17
Updated: 2013-02-17
Packaged: 2017-11-29 15:25:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/688492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flitterflutterfly/pseuds/flitterflutterfly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sarah struggled with her attraction the moment she first laid eyes upon one John Watson. The man was collared and by all accounts happy in his relationship, but she had always prided herself on seeing beyond the surface and she was convinced that John wasn’t happy with his Dom. If only she could make him see it too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sarah's Choice

**Author's Note:**

> Set between chapter 5 and chapter 6 of Please God, Let Me Live.
> 
>  _Sarah hadn’t wanted to take no for an answer by the end of John’s time there. She had been convinced that John’s relationship with Sherlock was both amoral and abusive. John had finally snapped, telling her that even if he wasn’t Sherlock’s Sub, he would never date someone like Sarah. She was neither sadistic, nor dominant enough to be able to control him in bed._ \- John Watson’s thoughts in Chapter Seven

It was there in the shadows of his eyes, Sarah could see the symptoms as surely as she could see the signs of influenza.

They were all taught about it in med school, the tells of an abusive dynamic. It was hard, of course, when dealing with masochists. By all accounts, that was what John Watson seemed to be. The dark bruises on his arms attested that.

But was he? Sarah wondered. How gently he worked with his patients, not backing down even to the glares of the worried Doms.

Sarah remembered when she first lay eyes upon John, how he smiled so beautifully at her as she talked over his application. His collar had caught her eye immediately, of course, it was gorgeous. How naïve she had been at that point, to think that he was cared for by his Dom.

But she saw too quickly in the slump of his shoulders and the bags under his eyes. In the frustrations of his tone.

“You don’t have to do this, you know,” Sarah said before she could stop herself. What a strong sub. She knew his record, how he was one of a minority. A sub that went to war. He deserved someone to take care of him, she thought. Someone to reward him properly for the hardships he had endured.

“Hmm?” John dashed on more mark on his notepad. “Oh no, I’m fine with the extra shift. I know it’s needed.”

“Not that,” Sarah said. Anything to keep John away from his flat, away from his Dom. “I mean, you don’t need to pander to everything  _he_  wants.”

“He would attest otherwise,” John chuckled, obviously taking her statement to be a comment on the earlier phone call he’d received in which John had explained about the extra shift and his Dom had commanded him to cook dinner that night in compensation.

Were it her sub, Sarah would have made sure to have a nice meal ready at home by the time he’d gotten off work, not force him to work more.

Sarah frowned. “That’s not, John,” she bit her bottom lip. “That’s not healthy, you know. Just because you’re a sub doesn’t mean-”

“I enjoy pleasing my Dom, Sarah,” John cut her off.

Sarah growled low, two sides warring within her. She could let it go, had previously always let it go, or she could fight to make him see. “You’re an intelligent man,” she said, frustration lacing her tone.

John looked so startled at that, as if he wasn’t used to compliments. “Thanks,” he blushed slightly.

To see that pink hue spread across his whole body, Sarah shook her head and pulled herself back. Patience, she thought. There was still a collar around his neck.

“How long have you been with your Dom, John?” Sarah asked, keeping her tone light and curious.

John looked up, seeming to think for a moment. “Nearly five months,” he said after a moment. “Has it been that long?”

Long? Sarah frowned. Yes, she thought. Too long to be pulled on frayed edges like you are. “John, I don’t like this.”

“Don’t like what?” John asked.

“You’re-” Sarah sighed. “So tired, can’t you see that. I don’t, I want to say that you are a friend as well as an employee. And as a friend I can’t just let this go.”

John was stiffening up. Becoming defensive. “I don’t-”

“You do know!” Sarah snapped. “I know you know. You’re not stupid, John Watson. Can’t you see, can’t you just let yourself see that you need help.”

“I know that I need help,” John growled. “I have problems, Sarah, issues, but I’m working through them. Sherlock is-”

“Sherlock is the problem,” Sarah hissed. “He is not the only Dom in the world. There are others interested in you. I’m interested you. I would take you home if only you’d let me.”

“Shut it!” John whirled, hands clenching. “Even if Sherlock were not my Dom, I would not go home with you,  _Sarah_. I am a masochist and I need someone strong, someone to take me down through pain. You are a Switch-”

Sarah flinched back. “I didn’t think…”

“I’m not prejudiced,” John frowned. “But you have needs, would have needs I would not be comfortable dealing with. I need a Dom who is my dominant 24/7. Sherlock is that kind of Dom.”

“Please,” Sarah back-tracked. “Even if not me, I, John there are others that could bring you pain, that are safe-”

“I love Sherlock,” John said and Sarah felt angry tears begin to gather in the edges of her eyes. “I even, I even sometimes find myself trusting him.”

There was wonder in his eyes at that statement, as if he hadn’t expected to hear himself say it.

“John,” Sarah murmured. Oh, John, she thought. “You can trust me.”

“No,” John shook his head. “That’s just it, Sarah. I don’t think I can. I didn’t think I ever could.” There was more being said, more going on. Sarah struggled with it, picking at the words.

She came up blank. “I care about you. I want to care for you,” she said, one last desperate attempt.

“I can’t,” John shook his head. “I’m sorry.”

“John!” Sarah protested, but he was already leaving.

“You’ll have my letter of resignation tomorrow,” John said. “Goodbye, Doctor.”

“No,” Sarah murmured. How could she have gotten that so wrong? John wasn’t supposed to leave, to go back into the arms of  _that_  man. “John…”

For just a brief second, Sarah entertained the idea that she was the one in the wrong, that John truly was happy, that she had let her own attraction cloud her judgment. The failing of any doctor was to see the symptoms they want and come to the wrong conclusion because it suited them best.

“No,” she said aloud. She was a good doctor, she wouldn’t- would she?

“Oh, John.” Sarah buried her face in her hands and shuddered. “I hope you’re right to trust him, for your sake.”


End file.
